I like to think it a success when the cops are called
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
