i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
