I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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