It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize