Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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