its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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