I feel great
I just peed on a car
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
