it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
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