i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
When are your genitals available?
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
