I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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