I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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