I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
