I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
home. puking in laundry basket.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
