put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
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