The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
