It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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