she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
