I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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