we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Randomize
