I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
