Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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