thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
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So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
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