I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
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