Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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