Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I enjoy the company of your penis
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
