he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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