I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Randomize
