Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Randomize
