I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
well most of my day revolves around power hour
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
