I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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