I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize