Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
