Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
