eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
