is your mom at the bar?
margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
