it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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