I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
My underwear smells like fireworks.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Randomize
