You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize