Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Randomize
