theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Randomize
