Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
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