Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
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