And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
