Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
