You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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