Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize
