just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Randomize
