tell your sister to shave her snatch
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
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