but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
What happened to fro yo and sex?
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Randomize
