Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
