I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
