My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Randomize
