Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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