guys are only as good as the porn they watch
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Randomize