Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
