Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
