Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
