You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Randomize
