Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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