So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
