My friends, they love my intelligence
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
