Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Randomize
