yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize