I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
