It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
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