If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Randomize
