Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
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